Today I am taking a break from DIYing, and fall leave picture taking, internet shopping, and wishing for more time in a day to squeeze things in. Today I am reflecting on a life I didn't know much about, but wish I'd had. Today I lost a cousin to bullying and it sucks.
An Ode to Logan Dobkins, 15.
Bullying has got to stop. But we already know this.
I know I may get some grief for this post- which I invite, if not encourage--because no one should look away like I did, like we tend to do-- but to be completely honest, bullying didn't effect me like some. It wasn't bothersome to my immediate family until today, so why advocate for something that didn't hit home? Trust me, I know bullying is wrong, I've always known this. We've all been through it, and more than likely on both sides of the fence. It is part of growing up, right? You don't wear the right jeans, name brands, or own the latest phone version, you get teased. People are fragile. We have feelings. We are capable of becoming broken at some point in our lives- the goal is to pick yourself up and move on. However, we all have limits. We all have breaking points. Today was my cousin Logan's, and today was a rude awakening that I don't pay enough attention to this shitty pandemic.
We all have the tendency to bully. Even as adults we do it ourselves. We are classically trained to be hypocrites. We tell the children of the world that it is not okay. Say no to bullying. Stand up for yourself and others, yet we turn around and bad mouth a co-worker, a shopper in a supermarket, or even a Barista who messed up on our order. Although we may not say it to their face, we tend to look for an ear to vent our meaningless frustrations to, because as people it makes us feel better. Everyone, kids and adults, myself and my husband, need to learn a lesson or two in manners and respect, and my hope is that blogging this will do just that. Even if it only reached a couple of people, I hope it allows you a moment or two of reflection on what you could do differently next time you're about to say or do something you may regret to another human being.
Don't get me wrong. I'm not trying to demonstrate that we are all horrible, mean people. I am demonstrating that we are human and shit happens.
Bullying is uncomfortable to talk about. It is also easy to deny. Your kid would never do that and never say that. We seem to only bring up this disgusting issue when it does become a problem. Even then it may involve a quick discussion, followed by a do you understand? Before you send your child back on their merry way. The issue needs to be demonstrated why it's wrong and every teachable moment needs to be made an example of. However, ignorance is bliss, right?
The bullying has gotten more aggressive. The words much worse, and because of it, uninformed kids are finding less ways to cope and deal, which is resulting in something more than permanent- death.
Your children need to be told at some point they will be bullied and it is going to suck really bad. You are a special person and there is only one of you on this earth. Every bit of you in unique and you need to love and embrace yourself. You are worth it. If you feel like you want to bully someone, first think about how you would feel if you were the one getting teased. Making someone break isn't worth it to you, to them, or to anyone and it doesn't need to continue. More importantly, we need to teach our children to stand up for those who are receiving verbal or physical misery. Sometimes it takes a village to make a change. In this case, the more we demonstrate and teach our children it is absurd and wrong to bully others and imperative to stand up to those that are, the quicker this shit will go away forever.
My cousin was 15. He lived in Wyoming. He was an excellent hunter with a goofy personality. The dogs and chickens at my grandparents ranch loved him just as much as he loved exploring outside. He was always quiet when I knew him, but very observant. He had the unconditional love of his mother who was very proud of him, an older brother and younger sister- who loved him dearly and talked much about him. Logan had a beautiful smile that could light up a room. I have no idea why anyone in their right mind would want to bully him to the extent that he was- to make him feel no self worth- to the point where he needed to end his life. To those people I encourage you to reflect on what you did, and create something positive out of it in memory of a life you stole. And when you have children, you use your story to set an example for your kids in order to prevent additional heartbreak to the families involved. For those that played any role in his misfortune I am sad for you.
Logan's life deserved so much more than what he got. That goes for every individual, friend, and family member affected by bullying. It never needed to happen in the first place and I am so sorry for that. I want to dedicate this little corner of the internet to them. If you too have some words to share for a loved one that fell victim to this vile trend, I encourage you to use the comment space below to advocate for them.
If you are a victim of bullying and you need someone to talk to, I'm here for you. So many people are.
This is my ode to Logan and today and going forward, I will be making a change. Stop bullying. Please. A life of someone close to you may depend on it.
Resources:
http://www.sweetwaternow.com/sublette-county-sheriffs-office-updates-photograph-15-year-old-logan-dobkins-search-continues-missing-teen/
http://ihavevanished.com/2014/10/19/wy-logan-dobkins-missing-pinedale-boy-found-dead/
Stopbullying.gov
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